he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
