My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I believe in your delicious
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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