apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
