I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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