Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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