Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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