hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
