this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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