Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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