i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
