If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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