i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
