I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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