is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
