you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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