i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
