I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I want to be your penis for a week.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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