Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
