why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
