I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
