chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
