Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
