we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
