we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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