no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
