You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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