chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
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he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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