What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
