Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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