I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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