your parents love me but you hate me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
zippers are such a cool invention
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
