Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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