we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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