o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
