I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
