she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
