That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
