mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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