I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
