i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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