Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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