is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
