somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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