he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
