I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
