just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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