sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
