I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just had sex bonerless
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
