I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I touched a dick in church today
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
