I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
