All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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