I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
