sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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