I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
