Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
