She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
