You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
