So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
