Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it hurts more in the daytime
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
