what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
