my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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