seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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