Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
