oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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