So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
