It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
