By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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