Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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