I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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