Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
