..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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