You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
