I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
