True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
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I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
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College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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