I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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