I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
