Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
