i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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