Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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