Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
