the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
