i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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